Pagan Spark

I've been thinking a lot about the past and my original circle and friends, and how much I miss the 'good old days'. I first learned about Wicca, Witchcraft and Paganism in, what - like grade 4. I bought my first spell book in grade 5, started working on visualizations and meditation with Sorina in grade 6-7, then kind of lost focus in high school. I remember calling up thunderstorms at recess in grade 8, but grade 9, I went to a different high school and lost my way, religion class was more like "Brainwash with Christianity" class. It wasn't until 2nd year university that I found my way again. I met Sarah, Amanda, Emily and Tovah, and in turn, my sisters. Sarah and Emily joined my sorority, I joined their study group and we all started to practice together.

It was a bit of a slow start getting all the stuff I'd read back into my mind, but after a while it all started to flow together we had meetings every week about a different topic, we held philosophical debates and discussions, we did full moon rituals in the backyard of the house that Amanda and Tristan/ Sarah and Richard lived in, and we all got to be very close friends. Then there was a big disturbance and our group fell apart, another one sprung up in its place, and I got to know some new friends, then Sarah moved back to Peterborough and Amanda and Tristan got married and now they've moved away, and it all just seems to be so long ago.

I just miss all the stuff we used to do, holding Sabbat and Esbat rits in the backyard, digging a new firepit, me waking everyone up at 6:30am on Litha with a giant noisemaker so we could go start the fire outside, sitting and talking for hours, writing rituals, debating about different pagan things. The stories and laughter echo in my mind and I miss it. I miss my friends that have moved away, I miss the rituals where we spoke from the heart and felt the energy coursing through us and the post-ritual fireside chats, still buzzing with energy and didn't want to go in to bed just yet. Or the making jam in Amanda's kitchen.

Maybe I'm just being too sentimental, but I just feel like I've lost my spark right now. I'm looking forward to Spirits of the Earth Festival next week though, so I can get myself grounded, see my fest family and try to get back my spark.